The innocence of Love

Once when I was small I had a goldfish it was for all intense and purposes Doomed as it came from a fare ground and lets face it they do not last long, however Fred the Goldfish lived a remarkably long time, I adored him, he was to me my best friend, I told Fred everything (Well as much as A five year old can about the secrets of life), and he was loved for just being there.
Sometimes I wonder If Fred adorned the veil of life much longer than expected because my heart held him there, I know this is wistful thinking and a touch silly but I do wonder.When he died I felt like the world was at an end, like the sun would not again rise into the morning sky and that my tears could not be quenched.
Then the very next day my mother bought me a Rabbit and this was to become my new source of affection, I however did not forget my scaly friend but simply shifted my emotions from one creature to another and as with all children I recovered very rapidly.
Love when you are a child is simple, you find things in life and you cling to them like an orphan in a storm, you look consistently for love in everything and anything without even realizing it and also you discover that love does not always last forever and can be fleeting, also sadly you also discover just because you love it does not mean it is reciprocated.
I found this lesson of unreciprocated Love when I was at school, I was the proverbial ugly ducking and just a touch different from the rest of the children, yet I tried to find acceptance, I tried to make the others love me, but no matter how hard I tried it did not transpire, thus I learned the lesson of rejection at a very tender age.
I know this much when we are small we recover from rejection and the loss of loved ones much faster than our adult hearts can ever comprehend and we love much more freely, we see things in a new and interesting light and hope is eternal in a child's heart, there is always more love to find, and an abundance to give.

As an adult I am now assessing the way I love, my fears of rejection and my lack of giving my heart freely.

However love to me is still magical, it is still a fairytale and I keep dreaming far too hard. I still have these childish dreams I hold in my heart of eternal love, of a perfect love, a love that can withstand the test of time and overcome the bounties of pain and life's black holes.
Sometimes I understand why I am this way, it comes from the rejection I had as a child and the place that I escaped to when I felt this way that was my mind, my mind being what it is, is a dreamworld and this created hope, created a love that may be a touch unreachable but I still keep holding out my fingertips to touch the magic and to hold on to this dream.

I don't think I will ever be comfortable with Love as I grow sometimes weary of trying, weary of my dreams being crushed, but this I will tell you is a definite truth, when I give my heart, when I say those three words it is because I feel them deeply and I will never give up on the wonders, I will never give up on that dream no matter how hard my heart wishes to hide from the hurt that it believes will always ensue from it.
Now at this point in my life I give my Love whole, not in parts, without prejudice, always with hope and only to those who truly deserve it, my love as with any soul on this planet when given is a rare and precious gift.

Love begins so simple when we are children and grows depending on the grounds that it was watered, my love is complex, it came from parched grounds, but my love found a way to survive by rooting itself deeply,hiding away in the dark, and ever looking at the stars which were my dreams.

Love is a simple Innocent gesture yet never underestimate the complexities of Love in every form.