My theory of Eternity.

Death.
It use to be just a word to me. Something I glanced at or skimmed over. A word that happened to people in movies. Something that happened to older people and relatives. To people in accidents or to the sick.

Cemeteries were just something I nonchalantly viewed in passing. I never really thought about them. Or the many corpses in the ground. Six feet beneath the surface. Rotting away in some satin lined box that someone paid an arm and a leg for, only for it to be covered in dirt and never to be seen again.

But I see things in a new light now. Not because I have a disease or am laying on my death bed. But because I am older. Because I realize.... that my life is half over - give or take a few years and granted it isnt snuffed out prematurely before I am ready.

Are we ever ready for death? Is there ever a good time for it to come? Granted many suffer at the end and wish for it to come, do we ever really look forward to the day when our bodies will be forever planted in the ground or turned into ashes to be scattered in the breeze?

I often see the billboard that reads: IF YOU DIE TODAY, WHERE WILL YOU SPEND ETERNITY? And my first thought is... in the ground. I know thats probably a rough way of looking at it. But its true. My body will be either in the ground or cremated. I've not decided yet. Guess i should get on the ball though, huh?

Almost 40 years of my life have passed. Most have been good. Some not so good. I've done some stuff I regret. I've done some stuff Im proud of. But why am I here? What have I not accomplished yet? We live and work and pay taxes and break our backs to exist happily. We fight and test and tease and hate. For what? In the end, our bodies all end up in the same place one way or another.

The Earth has been here for millions of years and we only exist on it for 100 if we're lucky. We are a grain of sand in a sand box. Generations come and go. People are remembered for a while... but soon forgotten. And when i say "soon" I mean over a period of generations and time. Unless your story is truly unique and substantial, you will be just a name on a stone and some forgotten memory eventually. And even a stone memorial crumbles over time if not tended too on a regular basis.

Its kinda sad to think about. But im just rambling.
Graveyards just make me wonder sometimes.... Where will i spend Eternity? And what am I going to do with my next 40 years to make it substantial so that im not forgotten within a generation or two? Is it too late too? And how will I confront or accept Death when my day comes?

Sometimes I imagine dying to be like falling asleep. And when we dream, we are actually in spirit, venturing beyond what we know in the physical world. Yet, still connected to it. And Death will disconnect the ability to "come back" to the physical being. So I guess, in short, I just hope im not having some kinda nightmare the last day I am to be here. Because that could be Hell.

Maybe that explains why sometimes, after a really bad dream, I wake up stressed and close to tears and aggitated and mentally drained. I am given a taste of what my Hell could be. Because I dont believe Hell is the same for everyone.